Tomorrow is Clear Liquid day..

Oh yeah...LOL
Seriously I'm thankful that the kind of surgery I am having doesn't require the 9 day liquid diet that the other 2 surgeries do. I can eat "normal" food right up until today and then just one day of clear liquids before surgery. After surgery of course as explained in my last post i do have a specific diet to follow as my body heals, but it's only for a short time and then i will be able to slowly get myself back to what will be my new "normal" eating.

Am i nervous, yup. But it's normal, i'm keeping busy to help with that.

I'm still battling with the consequences of giving up caffeine. Still having a lot of on/off headache, very sluggish feeling and my head seems very foggy. Some of this could also just be nerves and all the "to do" lists rolling around in my head too.

I will weigh myself one last time tomorrow morning, it will undoubtably be a high weight as I'm planning a "go out with a bang" huge spaghetti dinner tonight. Yeah maybe I'll wait and do that after my day of clear liquids, LOL, j/k.

I know there are going to be times coming, very soon likely where i will be doubting my decision for this surgery. I will have a lot of "what were you thinking", "why did i do this to myself" and other posts and rants.

So just to refresh -
I am doing this because -
* I want to be healthy.
* I want to be the best mom I can, being severely overweight impairs my ability to do that in some ways.
* I want to be the best wife I can be, being severely overweight impairs my ability to do that in some ways.
* I want to avoid all the health problems associated with obesity - diabetes, high blood pressure, joint/bone problems.
* I want to hike, bike, swim, canoe, heck maybe even RUN.
* I want to feel good about how I eat, how i exercise and how healthy i am.
* I don't want to make excuses for why i can't do the things. I want to be able to do things without being the "Fat Mom" on the sidelines of life.
* I want to not be out of breath, or sore as heck from doing the simpliest of tasks.
* I want to live as long as possible, this surgery gives me the opportunity to live a lot longer, the risk of surgery is way less than the risk of all the co-morbiities that go along with morbid obesity.

3 more days....yes, i'm nervous...

Jeepers, everyone i see the first thing they say is "are you getting nervous"....I answer honestly "no not really, mostly excited". Sure, I'm nervous, who wouldn't be nervous for any surgery or major life event for that matter. But most of me is excited and just ready to do this. I'm starting a whole new chapter of my life, it's incredibly exciting!

This weekend has gone very well. We have gotten a lot of cleaning done. John was amazing and scrubbed the entire bathroom today, even cleaned the floor on his hands and knees. I am thrilled that he will clean the bathroom, it's my least favorite chore. We picked up a lot of junk and thoroughly vaccumed and even steam cleaned the carpet in the living & dining room. We certainly have more that should be done, but i've got a couple more days to work at it.

I'm also working on a few meals for the freezer. I don't want John and Faith eating all junk while i recover. I don't want them eating out a lot either. So the best cost effective solution is to cook some really big meals and freeze in small portions for them. So far made bacon mac & cheese for the freezer. The next 2 days I'll make some casseroles, some beef stew & a lot of spaghetti sauce w/ meat. That will give John lots of stuff he can reheat easily :-)

So speaking of the next two days. These are my last two days of "regular food" for a while. On Weds I go to clear liquids for the day. I have no special plans to feast on anything in particular but just plan to eat my normal meals. I havn't mentioned much of what my diet will be like at first. The first 2 weeks post op I will be able to drink protein shakes and I will be allowed a few "foods", those include cream soups, sugar free pudding, low fat "light" yogurt and tomato juice/v8 if i can tolerate it. I can also have all the sugar free liquids that i want. I will also be mixing unflavored protein powder into the foods as much as i can to bump up my protein intake. After the first 2 weeks I can start with puree type foods. I can try things like egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad all pureed smooth and not too chunky. Also meats, cheeses, eggs, hummus, flaky fishes. They like you to stay at the puree consistancy for about 4 weeks but you can advance slowly as you feel comfortable, being sure to cut food very small and chew very carefully. After a few months I will be able to eat more small portions, but will always have to make sure to eat protein first before any carbs.

It's going to be a challenge, i know that. But it will be worth it. And i am ready for it, i feel very prepared :-)

Kicking the caffeine...

It's going okay, I'm on full day #2 of absolutely no caffeine. I definately have a lingering headache that goes from tolerable to downright pounding....I'm definately feeling more sluggish than usual....I'm really craving a good hot cup of coffee...but i can do it....
Hoping to be feeling better by the weekend and the whole "caffeine" issue behind me....

Food...i'm so over it...

So starting next weds, my food intake will change dramatically. On weds. i have a clear liquid diet all day, with some antibiotics and some "cleaning agents" added into the mix. So technically I have 7 days of "normal" eating left. You'd think i'd be getting all my favorites right? Going out to eat a lot? Making huge meals? NOPE! I'm so over it! I just have no desire to stuff myself, no desire to eat junk food, no desire for sweets, nothing. I am just OVER IT! Which tells me I'm ready, i'm making the right decision and I will succeed! It's a great feeling :-)

And on another note, I am 100% caffeine free today. I made de-caff coffee this morning. And i've already cut all other caffeine. So today will likely turn miserable later on, and tomorrow i'll probably start the headache. But I'm ready for it, I can do this too!

Feeling energized...

I feel so ready to attack this weight loss head on! This morning (despite not getting much sleep) I am feeling super energized and ready to hit the road running :-) Just over a week now till surgery, so excited!

Today marks day 1 of the coffee kick process. I made 1/2 regular 1/2 decaf this morning. Drank my 2 cups. Hoping to not notice any difference, we'll see. Tomorrow if all goes well i'll make just decaf and enjoy that for a couple days before i give up the morning coffee all together. I want to be well over the withdrawl from caffeine before my surgery, so i really need to kick by the weekend at the absolute latest.

Today's agenda includes a really good vacuuming of the furniture and stairs. Then i want to sort Faith's clothes and get them put away upstairs in her dresser. We are finally getting rid of the downstairs "changing table" that we've had since she was born :-)
Oh and LOTS of laundry today too :-)

Major goal #2 down thanks to John

and my mom....
Yesterday Faith spent the day with my mom, which allowed John and I to tackle the toys. We threw out 2 bags of trash (that girl saves every scrap of paper, it's nuts) and we weeded out 2 large bags of toys & books to give to a charity too. So that's one more of my big goals crossed off my list of "things to do".

I also crossed off "buy a food processor" today. I know it sounds like something i should already have since i love to cook, but i've always just used a hand blender for things that needed blending and just chopped other stuff up, used a box grater, etc. But since at first my food will need to be smooth, i just think a food processor will make much faster, easier work of it. I actually didn't get a "food processor" i got a magic bullet, it will work fine and i can use it for smoothies and such too which will be nice :-)

I have a lot more to get done this week, including kicking my coffee. I have kicked all caffeine except 2 cups of coffee in the morning. By the end of this week i will go down to 1 cup. Then by monday i will cut it all together and probably have a headache for a couple days. It will be worth it though, i know it can do it.

Tomorrow, is cleaning out Faith's clothes and getting stuff set aside for her first few days of school :-)

One major pre-surgery goal completed...

I totally packed up and moved all my sewing stuff to mom's. Mom recently had one of her upstairs bedrooms remodeled and that along with another large room are going to be our shared sewing suite. I'm really really looking forward to it.
I bet you are thinking, oh big deal, you took your sewing machine and some fabric to your mom's, what's up with calling it a "major goal"....
Well we have a full size pick up truck. The back was loaded HIGH with my totes of fabric, bins of notions, patterns and misc. sewing related stuff. Both my machines (sewing and serger) as well as all my thread and other miscellanous embellishments and tools were loaded in the back seat of said full size pick up truck.
So yup MAJOR accomplishment.

However a really major accomplishment is looming and i'm not happy about it. I have to give up my morning coffee fix. I have 2 cups of coffee every single morning. It's my thing, I sit and read emails, check facebook, etc and I have my coffee. I love my coffee. I crave my coffee. But alas, I must say goodbye to my morning cup of joe, at least for a little while. I want to have the caffeine withdrawl out of the way before surgery day, because I do not want to deal with a caffeine headache on top of all my other surgery stuff. So this week I have got to get off the "joe"...any tips would be greatly appreciated.

T - 2 weeks

So 2 weeks for today will be the night before my surgery. At this point i will be "all cleaned out" and ready to go, hopefully anyway, I'd rather not be up all night, doing you know what (you're all intelligent i don't think i have to spell it out LOL).

Saw Dr. Hill today. Went over my surgery in depth. When he asked "Why did you choose duodenal switch over the other surgeries" my response was "because i feel it's the better surgery, the one with the better percentage of weight loss and the one best for being a lifelong change" and he was extremely please and told me I "was absolutely right and he really feels it's the best as well". He explained in depth that though it's the best, it is also the more risky surgery. We went over all possible complications, and discussed possible scenarios. He was going to attempt laprascopic but i asked that he just go the open approach, I really feel that i'm better suited to the open approach and this way he can take my gall bladder at the same time. Since i have an extremely strong family history of gall bladder problems (mom, sister and brother) I (and the doctor) think it's best to take it out now, rather than end up with yet another surgery later.
I will be in the OR for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Will be in the hospital 3-4 days. He didn't set any definate goals for weight loss which i honestly like, i don't want to feel pressured to lose a certain amount. The nurse was super super nice today, she weighed me and of course i gained weight, we have been camping and i confess to drinking quite a bit of beer, but she said "don't stress about it, you're going to be losing soon and that's what matters".
I had my pre-op class that answered a lot of my questions about what to expect. The lady giving the class had the duodenal switch 5 1/2 years ago with Dr. Hill and she is amazing. She used to weigh like 319 i think she said and i'd say she's probably 5'7" or 5'8" maybe and she went from a size 4x shirt to a size medium. WOW. First thing she did was pass around her before picture. AMAZING!

My goals for the next couple weeks are to give up my caffeine and all carbonated beverages since i won't have them post op for a very very very long time. I have a lot to get the house in order so i'll be working on that every day as well. I also have to get Faith into a routine for school since that starts the Tuesday after my surgery. So much to do that i will be able to easily keep busy, i like that!

One final note about Dr. Hill. I just like him so much as a person, not just a doctor. Turns out his family does a lot of camping too, they have a camper and are going to be camping next week on vacation in the Thousand Islands area. I LOVE that he's a doctor and takes his family on vacations camping in a camper, to me that means he's down to earth and family oriented. That's what i want! :-)

more soon....

Okay so i've been thinking a lot about weight loss...

with the DS and I've researched the % of extra weight people tend to lose, i've researched in depth the amount of weight people my size starting out have lost, i've researched and researched and researched some more....each and every thing i research just amazes me...i look at before and after pictures, and am just shocked by the results....Yes, i have also researched how my life will change in the sense of eating & exercise...i know that i will probably be one of those that needs major plastics to get rid of extra sagging skin after the weight (fat) part is mostly gone....I know that this surgery is going to completely CHANGE my life....but it still seems like a fairy tale...ya know? like yeah it's gonna change, yup i'll be much smaller, etc etc...but it doesn't seem "real"....
So just the last couple days i've been putting it into numbers to try and help myself realize that this IS going to happen to ME!
In one years time the "average" person (who does what they are supposed to do) with the Duodenal Switch loses approx. 75 % of the extra body weight (extra body weight is the amount of weight over your "normal" BMI) So for me that means in 1 years time i could lose upwards of 150 lbs or more. That means by this time next year i could weigh in the neighborhood of 225 lbs. CRAZY i tell ya, CRAZY.
What's more crazy is that i have NO CLUE when the last time i weighed that little was? High school? Early on in college? Probably high school, though i can't remember for sure. AND, what size does someone who weighs 225 lbs and is 5'9" wear? I'm thinking maybe like a 1x maybe? See, i have no clue, just absolutely no clue what it means.
What this boils down to in my mind is that I am about to take a very WILD RIDE into the unknown. I'm nervous a bit, i'm excited a lot. I'm thrilled that this time next year I could be CHASING my daughter around the yard, I could be riding a bike for miles and miles, I could be climbing stairs without the slightest effort, I could be doing just about anything I've dreamed of for so long? Ya know the phrase "what a difference a day can make" well adapted to my journey "what a difference this next year is going to make".

3 weeks from today...

Time is going fast now :-) Just 3 weeks and I'll have my surgery, yeah!
We leave to camp sunday-weds at Fish Creek. On weds I also have my presurgery appointment with Dr. Hill and my pre-op class. I already have all my instructions for the day/night before surgery.
I'm working on getting everything around the house ready. I'll be doing extra grocery shopping the next three weeks to get the house stocked up for John & Faith. I'm also trying to work a little at a time at getting the house more organized and ready for me to be out of commission for a few weeks.

Firming up the details...

So there is so much to do and honestly not a lot of time to do it. Here i've been putting off all kinds of stuff and feeling sorry for myself because i didn't have a date for surgery yet. Now i have a date and am thinking "why didn't i start this before" DUH!
Anyway, things are falling into place. I meet Dr. Hill for my preop appointment at August 18th. I also have a pre-op meeting that day where they answer all the questions you have about the hospital and the surgery and stuff. I also get my blood work that day. Then i get a call the week before surgery to go over my pre op form with anesthesia and firm up any questions they have. Then it's surgery day!

So that stuff is easy peasy, but i have so much to do at the house to get ready. I need to clean, heavy clean the house. I need to completely pack up all my sewing stuff. I need to cook some meals ahead and make sure the cupboards and freezer are well stocked so John doesn't end up eating fast food or junk the whole time. I need to make sure i have all my vitamins, soft foods and protein drinks in the house and ready to go.

Phew...but it will all get done.

My "bucket" list...

So i'm working on a list of things i want to do & goasl I want to accomplish, after surgery/weight loss. This is of course not an all inclusive list, i am sure i will add to it as time goes on...and I'm trying to be realistic about things and not give myself unattainable expectations.
So in no particular order, here are some -

* Weigh below 300 lbs. That's a biggie for me, I can honestly say I have not weighed that little in at least 10 years, probably longer as I stopped really keeping track a LONG time ago.

* Have food be an afterthought, not the priority.

* Buy a bicycle and go for lots of bike rides with my family! Including when we are camping!

* Do some sort of daily exercise - every day! not one day, skip 6, another day, skip 5...etc. I want to feel good and healthy and exercise every single day in some form.

* Buy clothes that are not "Plus" sized. It will feel like winning the lottery if I can buy a pair of pants in the "regular" department of a store, what size is that anyway? Like a 16/18? or is that plus sized too? See, i don't even know what a "regular" size is anymore.

* Run after Faith when we are outside playing, or better yet, run ahead of Faith :-)

* Have another baby - yes this is a ways out, but it's on my list. I want to have another baby :-)

* Climb a mountain - no not like Everest or anything, just a small Adirondack mountain will do :-)

* Buy a canoe and take canoe trips with my family :-)

* Wear a bathing suit in public and feel comfortable in it - this one may never happen as with the weight loss i will surely have a LOT of skin issues, and are girls really ever "comfortable" in a bathing suit. But I'm putting it out there, cause I would really like to feel more comfortable swimming with Faith at the beach, not just being the "fat mom" sitting on the sidelines.


Well i guess that's enough for today...more later :-)

I got my date!

September 2nd.....So excited, lots of planning to ensue, as well as house cleaning, organizing and cooking ahead for John and Faith!
WOO HOO!