Time to let my skinny girl out...

Well the title pretty much sums it up. I have been seriously overweight for most of my life. I have always had this skinny girl living inside of me, she wanted to come out. She wanted to wear pretty clothes, be popular, participate in sports and all kinds of other really awesome fun things. But she always was hidden inside my fat, socially awkward, emotionally & physically exhausted self. It's time for her to come out.

This blog is private and can only be viewed by those i have invited. I'll tell you why each of you is here because it's important for you to know why i have chosen you for support during my upcoming journey (more about that in a minute).
John - I want you here to read and support me, because i know no matter what you will love me. Fat or thin you will love me. I always want you here to read the emotions that I sometimes cannot verbalize to you, i want you to know what i am feeling/thinking even if i can't say it outloud. Thank you for always loving me, despite my negative qualities, that's real love!
Mom - for obvious reasons you are here. I love you and respect you and I know you will help remind me of how much Dad wanted this for all of us. How much he loved us and wanted us all to be healthy. I hope i can count on you for lots of long walks and moral support when my eating options are getting the best of me.
Jody & Diana - I count on both of you for support. You are two of my best friends and i know that no matter what you'll have an ear to lend and a shoulder to cry on. I thank you for that.
Niki & Jodi H. - You are the best medical providers i have EVER had. I never would have made it though my pregnancy without you, okay i would have made it, but i wouldn't have enjoyed it as much or stayed as sane as i did :-) I consider you both dear friends and count on your frank honesty regarding my health and well being. I know both of you will be here to support me and do anything you can to help along they way and I so appreciate that.
Tracey - I asked you to be here because you are my no nonsense, down to earth, in your face friend. I can count on you to always be 100% honest when i ask your opinion. You will never sugar coat things, or tell me what i want to hear. I can count on you for a good laugh when i need it to, noone can tell a story like you!
Andrea - I want you here because you've been there and done that and I'm gonna need your advice a lot i am sure.

And on that note, you are probably wondering, so what is she talking about? Well here's the thing. For about 2 months now i have been seriously considering having gastric bypass surgery. Some of you already know this, but some of you don't. I go tomorrow 11/10 for my first step in this process. Thus, i have started a blog to document my journey. As of now it is not a public blog, only those people i have listed can see it/read it (i hope anyway that i set it up right). Right now i'm just not comfortable having this blog be totally public, or letting everyone in my life read it, maybe later.

Having surgery to obtain weight loss was always something i told myself i would NEVER ever do. But i guess it's true you should "never say never". I've been doing a lot of research, found a doctor that participates with my insurance and am going to a meeting tomorrow night to start the process of seeing how i go about qualifying with my insurance company for coverage.

I am doing this for me first, my daughter second, and my dad third. I need to be the person i want to be. I need to be the mom Faith NEEDS me to be. And i need to honor my father's dying request that I "lose the damn weight, so you don't end up like me". I loved my dad, we had a very special relationship, my mom can attest to the fact that it was above and beyond the normal "daddy/daughter" relationship. He was my best friend and losing him was the hardest thing i've ever done. I need to use that sadness for a positive gain and honor him in this way, i know how thrilled he would be for me taking charge and making this weight loss happen. But even moreso than that, i need to do this for myself and my family. So i will be here for them. So i can be the kind of family that does stuff together and not the kind that leaves "fat out of shape mom behind", I do not want my daughter standing next to my grave too soon, i want to be on this earth as long as possible and being 370 lbs isn't gonna let that happen.

There it's out there, i weight 370 lbs. For a long time i weighed right around 350. After my pregnancy with Faith i was down to about 330-335. But now i'm at an all time high of 370 and it scares the hell out of me.......